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Part 1: The Silent Storm

What it was like at the start of my postpartum depression journey.

 Wow, 2020 was intense. Amidst the pandemic, I welcomed my second son this tiny, perfect bundle who brightened my world. J.O.S was thriving, with people loving our natural products like un refined shea butter blends - Moringa Shea Yogurt and Haitian remedy inspired Growth complex kids healthy hair kits. Despite the chaos, I thought, "I ve got this." Within a month of childbirth, I jumped back into work, packing orders and hustling as if nothing had changed. 

From the outside, everything looked ideal: a growing business, a healthy baby, an expanding family. But internally, I was falling apart, quietly, bit by bit.

Balancing motherhood and running a business during lockdown was brutal. I was completely dedicated to feeding him 80% breastmilk, 20% formula and was determined to make it work. However, my body didn't recover like it did with my first child. Everything felt heavier and off. And my son? Well, he was quite different.

Every night, exactly at 11 p.m., he'd start crying and wouldn't stop until 6 or 7 a.m. I'm talking about intense, nonstop wails that echoed through the house. I'd rock him, hum lullabies, pace the dark room nothing helped. Later, he was diagnosed with autism, which explains a lot now. But then? I was just utterly exhausted more than sleep deprivation; I was a complete zombie.

Add the demands of JOS emails, shipping, social media, managing inventory, trying to sustain the business along with pandemic isolation, and I was barely holding on. But I kept pushing, telling myself moms and entrepreneurs do this all the time. No other choice, right? 

Then life hit harder. Three months postpartum, my grandma passed away. She was everything my teacher of natural remedies that became the core of J.O.S Her loss shattered me. Before I could even catch my breath, three months later, my best friend like a second mom, supporter of my dreams and spiritual life also died. Both gone in one year. These women played very important roles in my life, just vanished, leaving a huge void.

And if that wasn't enough, our entire house caught COVID, baby included. We were all severely affected, but my husband got very sick, very fast. I remember taking him to the ER, barely breathing. Weeks in the hospital, then home on oxygen 24/7, skin and bones after losing 25 pounds, unable to walk or speak properly. Watching him like that was terrifying.

So, there I was: exhausted, heartbroken, terrified, angry. Still pretending to be strong for the kids, him, the business. Smiling on Zoom calls, posting updates for JOS. But inside? I was falling apart.

I didn't recognize postpartum depression at the time. I was too busy surviving to notice I was slipping away. The fog was settling in, but I was blind to it.

One thing that kept me semi-sane? Those small moments of self-care like applying the Moringa Shea Yogurt to my dry skin and baby s skin after bath time. It was my tiny anchor, a reminder to take care of myself, even just for a moment.

Hindsight is 20/20, right? I was on autopilot, helping everyone else but neglecting myself. Postpartum depression had me firmly in its grip, drained from the chaos of motherhood and the pandemic 

If this resonates with you if you've ever felt like you're the glue holding everything together while silently breaking know you're not alone. I share this to remind you: it gets better Hang in there. 

 Stay tuned for Part 2: “Living in the Fog”, dropping soon. The numbness, the rock bottom, and those first glimmers of light.

Drop a comment if this hits home. What's your story? Let's talk.